Chapter 4....
“If I seek to fulfill those needs at the expense of my partner, we are sure to experience unhappiness, resentment and conflict. The secret of forming a successful relationship is for both partners to win…”
"Many women instinctively understand how to give this message. In the beginning of a relationship, a woman gives a man a brief look that says you could be the one to make me happy. In this subtle way she actually initiates their relationship. This look encourages him to come closer. It empowers him to overcome his fears of having a relationship. Unfortunately, once they are in a relationship and as the problems begin to emerge, she doesn’t know how important that message still is to him and neglects to send it..."
When a man matures, he also learns that he may be giving up himself, but his major change is becoming more aware of how he can succeed in giving. Likewise as a woman matures, she also learns new strategies for giving, but her major change tends to be learning to set limits in order to receive what she wants.
A young boy who is fortunate enough to see his father succeed in fulfilling his mother enters relationships as an adult with a rare confidence that he can succeed in fulfilling his partner. He is not terrified of commitment because he knows he can deliver. He also knows that when he doesn’t deliver he is still adequate and still deserves love and appreciation for doing his best. He does not condemn himself because he knows he is not perfect and that he is always doing his best and his best is good enough. He is able to apologize for his mistakes because he expects forgiveness, love, and appreciation for doing his best…
"Many women instinctively understand how to give this message. In the beginning of a relationship, a woman gives a man a brief look that says you could be the one to make me happy. In this subtle way she actually initiates their relationship. This look encourages him to come closer. It empowers him to overcome his fears of having a relationship. Unfortunately, once they are in a relationship and as the problems begin to emerge, she doesn’t know how important that message still is to him and neglects to send it..."
When a man matures, he also learns that he may be giving up himself, but his major change is becoming more aware of how he can succeed in giving. Likewise as a woman matures, she also learns new strategies for giving, but her major change tends to be learning to set limits in order to receive what she wants.
A young boy who is fortunate enough to see his father succeed in fulfilling his mother enters relationships as an adult with a rare confidence that he can succeed in fulfilling his partner. He is not terrified of commitment because he knows he can deliver. He also knows that when he doesn’t deliver he is still adequate and still deserves love and appreciation for doing his best. He does not condemn himself because he knows he is not perfect and that he is always doing his best and his best is good enough. He is able to apologize for his mistakes because he expects forgiveness, love, and appreciation for doing his best…
posted by K0uGaR at Thursday, October 18, 2007
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