Chapter 3...Men vs Woman
Men…
When a man is stressed, he will withdraw into the cave of his mind and focus on solving a problem. He generally picks the most urgent problem or the most difficult. He becomes so focused on solving this one problem that he temporarily loses awareness of everything else. Other problems and responsibilities fade into the background…
At such times, he becomes increasingly distant, forgetful, unresponsive and preoccupied in his relationships…when a man is stuck in his cave, he is powerless to give his partner the quality attention she deserves. It is hard for her to be accepting of him at these times because she doesn’t know how stressed he is. If he were to come home and talk about all his problems, then she could be more compassionate. Instead he doesn’t talk about his problems, and she feels he is ignoring her. She can tell he is upset but mistakenly assumes he doesn’t care about her because he isn’t talking to her.
Women generally do not understand how Martians cope with stress. They expect men to open up and talk about all their problems the way Venusians do. When a man is stuck in his cave, a woman resents his not being more open…to expect a man who is in his cave instantly to become open, responsive, and loving is as unrealistic as expecting a woman who is upset immediately to calm down and make complete sense. It is a mistake to expect a man to always be in touch with his loving feelings just as it is a mistake to expect a woman’s feelings to always be rational and logical
Women…
When a woman is stressed, she instinctively feels a need to talk about her feelings and all the possible problems that are associated with her feelings. When she begins talking she does not prioritize the significance of any problem. If she is upset, then she is upset about it all, big and small. She is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood…
To feel better, women talk about past problems, future problems, potential problems, even problems that have no solutions. The more talk and exploration, the better they feel.
Just as a man is fulfilled through working out the intricate details of solving a problem, a woman is fulfilled through talking about the details of her problems…
Something a woman can do to make it easier for a man is to let him know in advance the outcome of the story and then go back and give details. Avoid keeping him in suspense…Women commonly enjoy letting the suspense build because it brings more feeling into the story but a man can be easily frustrated…the degree to which a man does not understand a women is the degree to which he will resist her when she is talking about her problem…
More important, if a woman can remind a man that she just wants to talk about her problems and that he doesn’t have to solve any of them, it can help him to relax and listen…
When a man is stressed, he will withdraw into the cave of his mind and focus on solving a problem. He generally picks the most urgent problem or the most difficult. He becomes so focused on solving this one problem that he temporarily loses awareness of everything else. Other problems and responsibilities fade into the background…
At such times, he becomes increasingly distant, forgetful, unresponsive and preoccupied in his relationships…when a man is stuck in his cave, he is powerless to give his partner the quality attention she deserves. It is hard for her to be accepting of him at these times because she doesn’t know how stressed he is. If he were to come home and talk about all his problems, then she could be more compassionate. Instead he doesn’t talk about his problems, and she feels he is ignoring her. She can tell he is upset but mistakenly assumes he doesn’t care about her because he isn’t talking to her.
Women generally do not understand how Martians cope with stress. They expect men to open up and talk about all their problems the way Venusians do. When a man is stuck in his cave, a woman resents his not being more open…to expect a man who is in his cave instantly to become open, responsive, and loving is as unrealistic as expecting a woman who is upset immediately to calm down and make complete sense. It is a mistake to expect a man to always be in touch with his loving feelings just as it is a mistake to expect a woman’s feelings to always be rational and logical
Women…
When a woman is stressed, she instinctively feels a need to talk about her feelings and all the possible problems that are associated with her feelings. When she begins talking she does not prioritize the significance of any problem. If she is upset, then she is upset about it all, big and small. She is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood…
To feel better, women talk about past problems, future problems, potential problems, even problems that have no solutions. The more talk and exploration, the better they feel.
Just as a man is fulfilled through working out the intricate details of solving a problem, a woman is fulfilled through talking about the details of her problems…
Something a woman can do to make it easier for a man is to let him know in advance the outcome of the story and then go back and give details. Avoid keeping him in suspense…Women commonly enjoy letting the suspense build because it brings more feeling into the story but a man can be easily frustrated…the degree to which a man does not understand a women is the degree to which he will resist her when she is talking about her problem…
More important, if a woman can remind a man that she just wants to talk about her problems and that he doesn’t have to solve any of them, it can help him to relax and listen…
posted by K0uGaR at Wednesday, October 17, 2007
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